I don’t often get on a rant (ok, I do rant a bit, but not that often). But today I’m ranting about me and about seventy-eight percent of the women I know and love.
We need to stop f*cking apologising.
And ‘feeling bad’.
Every time we open our mouth and minimise and justify doing what is totally reasonable, we cauterise another tiny piece of our soul. Until we are left as pathetic, lifeless shells.
- Oh my god, I forgot to pick up the order that you didn’t get from the post office yesterday. I’m so sorry.
- I’m sorry, but I’ve just realised that [insert amazing, insightful idea that will transform the organisation]…but that’s just my idea, it’s probably silly.
- I feel so bad, I’ve left the kids with mum [for the first time in five years and they’re having a bloody fabulous time without me] just so I can go out for a wine with my girlfriend. I am such a horrible mother.
- I’m soooooooo sorry I’m late and you had to wait [a whole five minutes for me because I was busy buying the groceries for the family].
- I am so sorry just realised you have made a massive stuff up and have cost the company sixteen squizziliondollars.
- I’m so sorry but I’ve ordered this [very expensive] salad and I think the chicken is actually green. I really don’t want to be any trouble, I could eat it if necessary…
Let’s just be ok with doing what we do. Not feeling bad about the things we’d be totally ok with our bestie doing. About celebrating about genius ideas and owning them, instead of saying ‘Don’t worry, I’ll put my hands up to being a bit of an idiot so you don’t have to point it out.’ That if something’s not ok, it’s not ok, you don’t have to apologise for pointing out what’s reasonable – you can be polite without an apology.
And you know what? All those things are so much more impactful without the sorry.
I don’t want any more delightful young women growing into apologetic women who decide to feel bad for attempting to grab hold of opportunities that will bring them joy.
I also don’t want me (or my amazing friends…and you) to continue to minimise our value and feel guilty for doing what feels good, great or bloody fantastic.
Let’s not be sorry-women. Grey, joyless creatures who can’t enjoy a drink with an umbrella because they’re worried someone’s going to yell ‘You undeserving creature, you forgot to pack your child’s library books last week. Twice!’
Our lives were not made to be an apology.
And neither were the lives of the next generation of women.
Do it for you. Do it for them.
Stop f*cking apologising.
She’s a smart, savvy woman who’s kicking goals, running her own business and doing the things she wants to do. And she would sincerely like you to give her a loving slap around if you hear her being a sorry-woman.
Why are we doing this thing? Because there’s enough noise in the world telling women what we ‘should’ be doing.
We should parent more consciously, but not be helicopter parents. We should take care of our bodies, but not be vain. We should make boys pay, but demand equal rights. We should dress appropriately, but also be confident in our skin, wear what we want, but not be provocative, oh and please feel comfortable in the world’s skimpiest school bathers but then wear your jeans to the formal because last year the boys looked up the girls’ skirts and so you’ll have to be the ones to modify your behaviour. Yeah. No.
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